For couples
Understanding the cycle between us
That means understanding how our attempts to protect ourselves can unintentionally trigger each other, leaving us stuck in the same conflict over and over again.
About me
Hi, I’m Dr. Paige McAllister!
I believe we are wired for connection. Relationships can be some of the greatest sources of joy, meaning, and belonging in our lives. They can also be where we experience some of our deepest wounds. These two realities drive the work I do as a systemic therapist.
Relational healing
We are wired for connection and survival.These are not mutually exclusive even when it seems that way.
Relational wounds don't always stay in the past. They can shape how we see ourselves, how safe we feel with other people, how we respond to conflict, and what happens when we are feeling vulnerable. Fears of abandonment, being truly seen, relying on someone else, or ending up in a similarly traumatic relationships - all the stuff that happened "there and then" - follows us into the here and now.
I specialize in relational trauma and relational healing. Whether I’m working with an individual or a couple, I’m interested in understanding not just what we’re struggling with, but how our experiences and relationships have shaped the ways we learned to survive, protect ourselves, and connect with others.
And because many of our deepest wounds happen in relationships, I believe relationships can also be an important part of how we heal.
Understanding ourselves. Understanding each other.
Therapy is a process of getting curious about the patterns that have developed in our lives.
I approach this work a little like a historian. Together, we look closely at what has happened: what has it been like for us to live in this society as the people we are, what were our primary relationships like, what have we learned about ourselves and others, and when relationships have been hard or harmful, what mechanisms have we developed to survive. Then we look at what is happening now: when are we activated or reactive, when can we act in line with our values or not, when are we using survival mechanisms we have grown out of? Ultimately, our question is what do we want this to look like, and what barriers are keeping us from that? We reach for as much curiosity and compassion in this investigation. All human behavior makes sense even when we wish we could do something different.
For individuals
Noticing where old wounds show up now
We may explore how relational wounds continue to show up in our present lives—in our relationships, our boundaries, our sense of self, or the expectations we carry about what will happen when we let someone really know us.
And by reckoning with what has happened while practicing how we want to be now, we can heal those old wounds.
What it’s like to work with me
Compassionate and collaborative.
I’m compassionate, but I’m also willing to challenge you.
I don’t believe therapy needs to be directionless. I provide structure to our work, help us identify what we’re working toward, and draw attention to patterns that might be difficult to see when you’re living inside of them. I’m not going to sit silently while you wonder where the session is supposed to go. I’m not the expert on your life—you are. My job isn’t to tell you who you should be or what decisions you should make.
But I do know what I’m doing.
I have a PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy, five years of clinical experience, and I’m an AAMFT Approved Supervisor. I’ve spent years studying relationships, trauma, attachment, and the process of change. I bring that expertise into the room while respecting that you bring an expertise no therapist can have: the experience of actually being you.
Two kinds of knowledge
I see therapy as a collaboration.
I’ll bring curiosity, compassion, structure, and a willingness to challenge you when I think it matters. You bring your experiences, your values, your relationships, and your hopes for what could be different.
Together, we’ll work to understand what shaped you, what keeps you stuck, and what healing might look like now.
Schedule a consultationResearch & scholarship
Selected peer-reviewed publications
McAllister, P., Vennum, A., & Anders, K. M. (2026). “But it didn’t ruin me”: A feminist phenomenological analysis of trauma and healing after intimate partner violence. Contemporary Family Therapy, 48, 74–87. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10591-025-09743-1
Astle, S., McAllister, P., Spencer, C., Rivas-Koehl, M., Toews, M., & Anders, K. M. (2024). Mental health and substance use factors associated with sexual violence victimization and perpetration in university samples: A meta-analysis. Sexuality Research and Social Policy, 21, 388–399. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13178-023-00830-2
Bridges, J. G., Vennum, A. V., McAllister, P., Balderson, B., Taylor, L., & Lyddon, L. (2022). Privilege awareness raising for couple and family therapists: A qualitative thematic analysis part 1. Journal of Feminist Family Therapy, 34(1–2), 38–66. https://doi.org/10.1080/08952833.2021.2017614
Bridges, J. G., Vennum, A. V., McAllister, P., Balderson, B., Taylor, L., & Lyddon, L. (2022). Clinical and training implications of privilege awareness raising for couple and family therapists: A qualitative thematic analysis part 2. Journal of Feminist Family Therapy, 34(1–2), 67–85. https://doi.org/10.1080/08952833.2022.2026033
McAllister, P., & Vennum, A. (2022). Sexual violence and mental health: An analysis of the mediating role of self-compassion using a feminist lens. Violence Against Women, 28(5), 1341–1357. https://doi.org/10.1177/10778012211012097
Conversations & appearances
Podcasts & videos
Podcast · Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Healing Relationships | E286
Released
Listen on Apple Podcasts